Hiding
by Rallian
Summary: When a mentally unstable Shepard loses almost all of her crew in the collector base she retreats back into her own mind. luckily the only other survivor knows what she going through. Garrus/FemShep
1. Chapter 1

If the collectors didn't stop them the neutron purge would.

Shepard knew there were only three outcomes of radiation exposure; death, damage to reproductive organs and X-men.

She had fleeting seconds to get back on the Normandy then reach a safe distance, a gauntlet of genetic slaves in between.

The Illusive Mans logic seemed sound enough. With the reapers own technology they would have a much better shot against the machines. Cerberus didn't quite have a clear record, that made the decision that much more difficult…

_What was she thinking ?_

She ran towards the extraction point relying entirely on adrenaline feuled instinct. She couldn't remember what had happened before the chase began. She was pure soldier now. Her only thoughts, her goal, Efficiency in place of consciousness.

The Normandy was only yards away, she could see Garrus climbing onto the docking platform. How had she gotten so far behind?

Garrus turned back sniper drawn. Aiming out from the narrow passage he was bitterly reminded of the last time he had used this tactic. "maybe they'll match the other side of my face" he thought aligning the scope.

A sharp whip from the barrel and another Collector fell to join the hundreds before it and the unknow masses to fallow. Its brains spread over those behind it on Shepards tail. He popped the sink to make more Collector confetty. _Shit none left? _looking back through the scope he found Shepard still running. One collector had abandoned his weapon to give a full spead chase. Shepard whipped around with her shotgun stopping the alien tailgater. Five more were on the sides of the path ahead of Shepard, guns ready.

Garrus slammed his fist against the bulkhead to the ships interior. Shepard needed cover. The mission was nothing without Shepard.

Joker came through the door. Actually standing? _Understands what's at stake doesn't he?_ In one arm an assault rifle, the other his precious hat, filled with thermal clips. _ha. Sure does._

Joker dropped his hat on the floor of the platform. Garrus took a hand full and loaded in a fresh clip. Shepard ran right into the ambush Shields dropping instantly. She was slipping, too far into instinct to remember her first class military training. Luckily Garrus and Joker were at the top of their game. Shepard flopped onto the floor arms outstretched. Facing fire from the two on the ship the collectors were forced to turn from Shepard. With the opening Shepard threw and incendiary grenade between the group on the left. The flames ending their torment while adding to it at the same time. Drawing her Hand Cannon she silenced one of the two to her right with a bullet to its skull, punching a clean hole through. Before the last of the ambush could turn back she pushed the barrel to its spine. In a brief flash of consciousness she gave a silent prayer. "May you find peace in death".

Shepard had earned a clear path to the Normandy but without Joker in the cockpit to keep the ship stable they slowly drifted off from the floor. Shepard now only feet away would have to jump the gap.

She pushed everything she had into one more feat of agility. Suddenly nothing was between her and the inner walls of the base. Her hands caught the edge of the docking platform. Joker still dedicated to spilling as much genetically abused blood as possible left Garrus to pull Shepard on board. Finally they were all there.

Only three…

"_**ASSUMING DIRECT CONROL." **_Harbinger had again taken one of his puppets granting it deadly new abilities. A blast of energy flew from his victims glowing hand.

Shepard was slowly regaining sapience. At the sight of the energy blast she flopped to the ground. "Bail out!" her weird phrases were back, that's a good sign. The blast flew over the three survivors into the door.

The holographic interface flickered. Harbinger's attack had damaged the controls. Shepard pounded against the door. " **Son of a bitch!** This 'pip' fried our getaway. Garrus you hack through!"

Jane was back.

Shepard took the gun form Garrus' hands as they switched places. Garrus ripped a panel off the wall pulling wires like weeds. Jokers hat was nearly empty and Harbinger was still in "direct control" as "they" called it (apparently being plural as it addressed itself as we). Another wave shot out bigger than the last.

Joker gave up rational thought as it came in, too large to dodge. The door wasn't open yet (would it ever be?). He brushed Shepard aside stepping forward to absorb the ball of hell coming their way.

Skin vaporizing, he flew back. _we're even now Shepard_. He could finally wash away the guilt of causing her death. On top of that he had just given his life for the savior of the galaxy. He felt like a hero

_But wouldn't if he could see Shepard's face._

Hidden behind the death mask she favored over a standard helmet was a face of pain. She finally snapped back to the present. Joker wasn't the first lost that day. To Shepard One lost life overshadowed any victory.

The door finally cracked. Slowly opening with a metallic whining noise. "Doors open! Everyone inside!".

Joker had been thrown back by the force of the blast and was only dissolved down to the muscle. He was alive but bleeding every drop out. Garrus ran to the cockpit yelling at EDI to "get the fuck out of here" while Shepard dragged him through the door.

A smart ass to his dying breath Joker couldn't resist the urge. "Shepard, I'm missing a third of my body. Can I have the day off?"

That hit Shepard worse than he had been hit. Another friend dead. She was their leader, it was her job to make sure they all made it back. She'd even grown to see many of the crew as friends.

"Jeff I-" he stopped her waving a blood drenched arm. "It's Joker commander" a pause writhing in pain "tombstone… j-joke". He never finish his final thought, instead going into a fit of coughing. _did he want Joker written on his tombstone or put in place of his real name?_

From one of the many fractures brought on the ship the AI core had been damaged.

EDI wouldn't be there to pilot for them. Garrus jumped into Jokers seat attempting to manually pilot the vessel.

The Normandy jumped escaping the base fallowed by a bright flash of light. Nothing caught in that blast could have survived.

Jane Shepard fell to her knees. "failed" were the last words she spoke before her body went limp and she slipped back into the unresponsive state she first found back on Mindoir.

"Shepard, we've got trouble with the mass drive core. Unless we get that back up we're not going anywhere" Garrus said turning back in the chair. Ahead he saw Joker in a pool of his own blood and Shepard a foot away, her knees on the floor and sitting on her heels. She was barely balancing, slumped over to one side.

"Shepard? Shepard! Dammit not again!"

* * *

A/N thanks for reading. I plan to have the next chapter up within the weekend. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


	2. Still not home

**A/N sorry I ended the last chapter on a cliff-hanger. I really hate those but I just wanted to get some rest. Also I forgot the first time so Disclaimer:**

**I don't own mass effect or any of its characters. This is just for fun.**

* * *

Shepard wasn't responding, that was trouble. The Normandy drifted through space running without an engine. At the current speed they would age to dust before finding their way back to charted space.

Garrus had seen Shepard like this before After Vermire. They had returned absent one Ashley Williams. Shepard always had to play the paragon; nobody left behind, no innocents lost even if it meant trouble for herself.

_The atmosphere of the Normandy was suffocating. Coming back without one of their own made some realize just how dangerous the mission really was. Garrus knew Shepard would be taking the loss of a subordinate hard. Out of concern he searched out wherever she had decided to hide._

_Not in her quarters, not in the mess hall, not in the hangar. He had started to think she didn't want to be found. If she didn't nobody would ever find her._

_Garrus was ready to give up when he recalled never having seen her leave the Mako after boarding. He supposed it was a rather well chosen hiding place. Who would look there? They would probably just build a new one rather than fixing the smoking junk pile taking up space in the hangar._

_Garrus struggled to get the door open and considered asking Wrex to do it for him. "We stop the Rachni and you give us the Genophage. Now you want me to be your can opener? What'll I get? Scale-itch?"_

_No, not an option…_

_He forced the door open and climbed inside. The Mako creaked and tilted to the side. Probably damage to the suspension taken when Shepard ran over all those Geth Armatures, then used the thrusters to bounce up and down on top of them. She enjoyed that too much._

_Garrus found Shepard sitting on the floor with her back against the rear wall of the Mako. She was in full gear with a pistol in one hand resting on her knee. The gun worried him._

"_Shepard? You ok?" Garrus crawled towards her slowly reaching for the gun. She didn't move even when he pried her fingers from the gun. He was even more worried. Taking a seat next to her he tried to see her face under her helmet._

_They sat there for nobody knows how long._

_Garrus finally reached out wrapping his talons around her hand. A sharp intake of breath and Shepard looked up to see Garrus full of concern. He had to say something while he still had her attention._

"_It wasn't your fault. She knew our chances of survival were slim coming in. You need to move on. Just promise yourself it'll never happen again."_

_She leaned into him resting her head on his shoulder. He snaked his around behind her neck and held her close._

_Later he had gone to describe the event to Dr. Chakwas. She had told him about the attack on Mindoir. Her rich accent did nothing to soften the story._

"_You've heard the story of Commander Shepard's upbringing on Mindoir, as everyone these days has. Attacked by Batarian slavers. I actually had the pleasure of nursing the wounds she received in the attack when the Alliance ship I was serving on found her. She had earned the scars that cover her face that day."_

_

* * *

_

Garrus hadn't thought about Jane's scars for a long time. He didn't recognize at first when she came down the bridge to his Omega apartment. The Lazarus project he remembered, had healed over the old marks. She looked so different without them. People weren't sacred meeting her for the first time. No, everyone looked at her differently. She was pretty without them.

* * *

_The doctor was visibly sick remembering the damage done to each of the colonists rescued, even though there had been very few alive._

"_When she had been rescued she had gone catatonic. She wouldn't respond to anyone not even resisting as she was taken aboard the ship and into the med-bay. She had gone into a world of her own mind. I fallowed her progress out of interest and found around a year later doctors had finally brought her back to the real world."_

_Garrus processed what he had himself seen and what the doctor had just given. "Do you think she had gone back there after losing Ashley?"_

_Dr. Chakwas nodded. "luckily she's become much stronger since then. She was able to resist the temptation of a world without pain."_

* * *

Garrus pick Shepard up bridal-style and carried her into the elevator to the captains cabin. He had to bring her back again but this time he wasn't sure if he could. Losing so many…

_Just like he had._

He pushed his thoughts of Omega away. Shepard needed him right now and he couldn't be distracted. She felt like a corpse in his arms. She was limp all over and made no attempts to move.

He slowly removed her gear and left her in the skin tight body suit worn underneath. The last piece came and he laid her down onto the bed.

It was difficult for him seeing her like this again. The warrior holding the world above her shoulders protecting if from the horrors below, was completely motionless.

"I haven't forgotten everything you've done for me. For all of us. I'm here for you. I'll bring you back just like before."

* * *

Contacting help was the best plan he had. Of course like most of the ship, communications were down. They were alone in a dying ship lost in the void of space.

They still had life support and repairs on most systems would only take a day or two.

He formed the full plan. Tomorrow: check over essential systems for any emergency repairs. Next get communications back online and call for help. It wasn't likely that anyone would fly in to rescue them. If The Illusive Man had duplicated the IFF for use in other ships, they would have come to rescue them by now if they ever would. The least he could do was help her one last time fucking handed him Reaper technology and he left her to drift. Was she useless now?

Garrus checked the clock on his Omni-tool. He hadn't slept in hours. He would begin as soon as he had some rest.


End file.
